"Shit telly" is almost a tautology - so much of what is produced is not only shit, but deliberately shit. That's because people are idiots, and they like shit.
Take "Deal or No Deal". I can't watch it without immediately falling into an uncontrollable rage, which is quite unfortunate given the maddening frequency with which it seems to be on. I hate it for two reasons - firstly, it's a pointless game of chance, and secondly, the utter shitstains who go on it.
It's a game of chance that entails morons opening boxes containing sums of money, being offered a sum of money by the "banker" to end their game in case their box contains a hefty sum, which is invariably (tearfully) rejected, only for the greedy halfwit in question to end up settling for a lot less later in the show when whatever passes for their brain fails to alert them to the mathematical likelihood of failure. What the fuck is interesting about people opening boxes? People opening boxes is boring and rubbish, unless those boxes contain something exciting like mustard gas, a naked Charlotte Church, or maybe a velociraptor. Take note, Endemol.
Now, people answering questions, that's okay. You can play along at home, if that is your preference. And answering questions entails a skill, which opening boxes doesn't. Unless you were born with no arms. Which most of us aren't.
Which leads me onto the wretched specimens that invariably populate this dismal cackfest. There are invariably fat women of indeterminate age and hair-colouring, weeping and wailing as they open boxes. There are spanners entrusting with opening these boxes, earnestly offering (unerringly terrible) advice. There's always someone ostentatiously gay. There's a sagely old bloke, a teenager with pink hair, a mumsy housewife. Always.
But worst are the box-deciders, fretting and agonising over which sodding box to choose, as though they can somehow influence a random outcome. YOU CAN'T, you gibbering moron. Just pick a box, STOP CRYING, be grateful if you're offered some decent cash and then fuck the fuck off my screen.
I hate it. Really, really hate it - typical lowest-common-denominator television, idiots on show for consumption by other idiots.
And Noel Edmonds is a smug twat.
Take "Deal or No Deal". I can't watch it without immediately falling into an uncontrollable rage, which is quite unfortunate given the maddening frequency with which it seems to be on. I hate it for two reasons - firstly, it's a pointless game of chance, and secondly, the utter shitstains who go on it.
It's a game of chance that entails morons opening boxes containing sums of money, being offered a sum of money by the "banker" to end their game in case their box contains a hefty sum, which is invariably (tearfully) rejected, only for the greedy halfwit in question to end up settling for a lot less later in the show when whatever passes for their brain fails to alert them to the mathematical likelihood of failure. What the fuck is interesting about people opening boxes? People opening boxes is boring and rubbish, unless those boxes contain something exciting like mustard gas, a naked Charlotte Church, or maybe a velociraptor. Take note, Endemol.
Now, people answering questions, that's okay. You can play along at home, if that is your preference. And answering questions entails a skill, which opening boxes doesn't. Unless you were born with no arms. Which most of us aren't.
Which leads me onto the wretched specimens that invariably populate this dismal cackfest. There are invariably fat women of indeterminate age and hair-colouring, weeping and wailing as they open boxes. There are spanners entrusting with opening these boxes, earnestly offering (unerringly terrible) advice. There's always someone ostentatiously gay. There's a sagely old bloke, a teenager with pink hair, a mumsy housewife. Always.
But worst are the box-deciders, fretting and agonising over which sodding box to choose, as though they can somehow influence a random outcome. YOU CAN'T, you gibbering moron. Just pick a box, STOP CRYING, be grateful if you're offered some decent cash and then fuck the fuck off my screen.
I hate it. Really, really hate it - typical lowest-common-denominator television, idiots on show for consumption by other idiots.
And Noel Edmonds is a smug twat.
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